The Cruz Control

OK, so I’m in the final stages of negotiating a job that’s been offered to me. It’s a pretty sweet deal. If all goes well, I’ll let know you more about it… if it doesn’t, just disregard this post.

Worship leading is something I’ve learned that I need to learn more about. It’s not just about picking a good set list, but how the musical elements of a worship team work together to help and not hinder the worship. This is something I don’t think many worship leaders realize. Something, I’m trying now to get better at. For instance, vocals - who sings harmonies and how the harmonies are formed. We have several amazing vocalists on our worship team who have the ability to harmonize well and build chords that add to, and don’t distract from, worship.

I also understand that I don’t have the vocal strength that many of our singers do - now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that my vocals send people running for the doors - by no means is that the case. My point is that other singers can sing better than me. I can sing; but they can sing better. This is something many worship leaders are not willing to admit. If they can carry a melody decently (which I can), then they don’t often use other vocalists to lead worship. My question is… why?

Many worship leaders won’t hesitate to bring on keyboard players, guitar players, bass players, drummers… you name it. But many will not bring on extra vocalists to sing except the occasional harmony singer.

But isn’t worship leading the act of guiding the worship, why does this always include singing lead on every song?… especially if there are good vocalists who can carry a song better.

Now, I’m not saying this is the case with every worship leader, but it seems to humility has a lot to do with it. Admitting you may not be the ‘best’ at something you were apparently hired to do is scary to many musicians. However, I think the job of a worship leader is to lead worship in the best way that is possible. And sometimes, maybe even often, this means that melodies get passed around to different people according to who can sing a given song best.

Because sometimes those notes are best sung by someone other than the ‘worship leader.’

…just some thoughts.

because I don’t even have a Citibank account.

I think Brooke Fraser should marry me.

That is all.

Please don’t answer that question for real (spare us all). Just watch this sermon by a Baptist Pastor in Tempe, Arizona. Watch it all the way through.

NOTE: It is Rated PG-13.

I, for one, am not a pastor who will pee sitting down!!!

Especially at a seminary, people have differing views of God’s “will.” Is it as planned-out as we think it is? Does God care one way or another what job we take, who we marry, etc.? Does God have that job or that person picked out and we are to submit to that path for ultimate fulfillment?

I don’t know if I have any answers to these questions. I tend to lean more on the side of God having a more, rather than less, structured “plan” for our lives. But I’m still not sure about a lot of stuff.

I’ve received an inquiry about job today, one that I hadn’t even considered. I didn’t submit a resume, but my name was passed from one person to another. I will find out more about it later this week. Don’t know too much right now, but sounds… really, really great.

I’m just wondering what ‘God’s will’ means and where it plays into this situation?

…just some thoughts

I know, this blog has been the slowest since I began it years ago. I can only apologize for the delay. Time has caught me off guard. I’m doing so much better, but catching up and keeping up with school work has afforded me little time for relaxation - what little time I have had, I’ve spent sleeping and eating and showering… you know, the essentials.

I’ve been told by many that seminary was the hardest time in that person’s life. I’ve also read such a statement in many books.

Well, it’s true.

I’ve had to work and rework so much of my theology and my beliefs about so many things. What I thought were well developed beliefs had no basis at all and I’ve had to rework things from the beginning. I can’t discuss a ‘theology of sin’ without first dealing with my own sin and then reconciling that to the grace of God.

I am coming to realize my vast ignorance with respect to the Bible, even the New Testament (which I have a degree in already). I don’t think I’m ‘liberal’ - although that’s often used as a buzz word. But I do think we need to understand the Bible for what the writers actually meant and what their readers actually understood. To do otherwise, is to compromise the integrity of the Bible.

But too often Christians are willing to look the other way - Protestants! - who pride themselves on the fact that the Bible is the basis of their beliefs, and tradition is not canonical. However, many will strictly cling to faulty ideas and interpretations of the scriptures, without considering the scriptures differently than what traditional interpretations have provided.

So I’m rethinking my theology and beliefs of so many things: sin, sexuality, sanctification (yes, I’m Methodist–ish), the Baptist idea I was raised with of ‘once saved - always saved’ (it seems the latter part of the New Testament has something to say on the matter I’d never considered).

I don’t know a lot about what I do/don’t believe right now.

But that’s OK, right?

I think the last thing the world needs right now is a bunch of people claiming they have all the answers (when they don’t) and then trying to beat others down with them. I think we assume too much about the Bible without actually reading it, openly, in its context, letting the writers speak for themselves. I’m constantly amazed that what the Bible say is not always what I thought the Bible says.

But I do know one thing: this forest that I’m wondering through is not by chance. I am supposed to be here. Indeed I feel called to be where I’m at. It’s not by chance; but by choice: mine and God’s meeting somewhere between divine will and human will. So… the search for answers continues.

Wow. So my whole blog host people have changed things around since I’ve last posted. It’s freaking me out just a little.

Anyways. I am updating to say that I am much, much better. Thank you all so much for the emails and phone calls, for the dinners and offers for dinners, for the visits and the prayers.

The LORD has been faithful to heal and restore. I am back in class this week. The fluid under my brain is not longer leaking and everything is healing quite nicely (after some further complications later last week). It’ll probably be a couple of weeks before I am back at 100% but I am doing so much better… just taking things kind of slow. I can walk just fine now. I’m still on a couple of antibiotics and a narcotic (legally!). But I am going GREAT!!!

This whole ordeal has been spiritually, as well as physically, taxing on me. My family - both by blood and by the blood our LORD - has been gracious to care for my every need. I am truly humbled, and honestly overwhelmed. I am still learning what it means to belong to a community that sacrificially loves beyond measure - this community called the Body of Christ, and specifically the people at Encounter Church in Waco. I am so privileged and honored to help lead them in worship. Wow.

But 3 hospital visits, 7 IV bags, 2 CT scans, 4 X-rays, 1 MRI, 2 major medical “procedures,” 5 doctors, and countless prayers later, I’m finally getting back to normal. As Pastor Wayne pointed out, “normal” doesn’t mean they’ve fixed whatever’s “normally wrong” with me…. LOL!!

But thank you all for your prayers and concerns. These are two weeks I am grateful to put behind me, yet vividly remember the amazing thing of living with Christians who work to bring the Kingdom of God here and now.

I am blessed.

I’ve been to the hospital twice in the last week. I went last Tuesday because it felt like everything on my inside of boiling. They did a number of tests, including X-rays, a C.T. scan, and a spinal tap - all perfectly harmless, right? Wrong.

I haven’t been able to move my head for the past three days or sit upright. I was in so much pain, I finally went back yesterday afternoon. Apparently the hole in the base of my spine from the spinal tap did not heal was a actually leaking fluid out of my spinal canal and messing up the balance of fluid undeneath my brain. So when my brain would settle in my skull throughout the day, the fluid cushioning it would leak out.

Yes, it was as painful as it sounds.

So they went back into my back at about 2:30 this morning to fix it. And they did. I’m a little sore with a slight headache. But I can sit upright and turn my head now.

My back is killing me though. I was told that this is - obviously - because I just had two major procedures done to the same area in less than a week.

So please continue to pray for me. Today and most of tomorrow will be spent in bed. I am much better, just in a lot of pain.

Please pray.

thanks,

j

It’s been 20 days since I’ve posted on this blog. For many different reasons.

I guess I’ve put blogging on the back burner; school is very time-consuming. But I guess the real reason is burnout. I’ve been nearing emotional, spiritual, and even physical burnout. The physical burnout finally caught up with me.

I spent Tuesday in the hospital and all day yesterday sleeping, as well as much of today. My viral infection has now turned bacterial and I’m on some heavy medication. But I’m actually starting to feel much better. While I exercise on a regular basis, that isn’t enough make up for stress weakening the body’s defenses. And now I see that I’ve been running on fumes for a few weeks now.

But I’m getting better. I’m resting and becoming rested.

God is the Great Restorer. He restores our health, our sanity, and our sinful souls back to Him… He is love, grace, mercy, and compassion. And at the end of the day, He IS all that matters.

My God is my healer.

And I miss blogging. It’s cathartic for some reason. So, I’ll try to be back much more often.

I am beginning to feel much better.

Please pray for my recovery.

Sure enough…